Life

. . . sAdNeSs . . .

2009-03-09T03:19:00Z

im just so sad . . . i never thought it would come to this. She's supossed to be here forever. She's held our family together for so long. I just can't imagine our workd without her. She's such a fighter and as surpassed so much in here life. Se has got to be the strongest person I have ever known. I know I would have never been able to handle the situations she has in her life. i need her, we need her!

I LoVe you GrAnDmA forever and always:)

. . . is it worth it . . .

2008-09-01T05:30:02Z

how many hurdles does someone need to overcome before realizing it's not worth it anymore? how hard should one person have to try to make something work?

somethings should just be easy in life, why isnt this?
what happened to all the good things?

as each day goes on it just seems like its getting harder and harder to keep a hold of this and what we have. i really dont think it should be so hard. after everything we have overcome and gone through, we should be closer than anybody in this world, but i feel we are further apart from each other than the sun is to pluto. its all so crazy . . . what happened to the happiness, the love, the compasion . . . where did it all go? i just want everything to be like it was in the beginning, is that so much to ask for. i really do try, but it doesnt seem to be aknowledge like i would like it to be. to make things work it really needs to be two sided.

sometimes you really are as bad as the rest of them were. granted you have done more for me than any other person, but you are still guilty of being like "them". putting me down, not being supportive . . . ur just like them. you are supossed to be there no matter what and be on my side no matter what and sometimes i feel like your my biggest enemey. im not saying i havent done my share of being negative because i have, but i am making the effort to change, but when you shot fown time after time it gets a little hard to stay positive. i have been there through everything with you . . . when most would have dropped you on your ass i was still there by your side. when i felt like giving up and telling you i was done with everything i still stayed because i love you when you love someone you are there no matter what the situation. even when everyone around me told me i deserved better and i was worth more that what i was getting i still stuck up for you and stayed there for you. im always in your corner and i just want you to see that. im tired of the arguing i just want us to be happy again.

one day you will see it all hopefully i am still by your side to share that with you, but no matter what i will always love you, always

britt britt

. . . LiFe . . .

2008-08-13T02:38:54Z

I really am over all of this shit

People really don't understand any of what i have gone through to get where i am at in life right now. granted things could be better but that is with any person.

I have overcome so much shit to have what i do right now . . . i have a good job im going back to school . . . etc. Yet i am still being told i don't have my shit straight. It's funny how the people that are talking the shit really arent doing what they need to, to get their shit straight.

it's not that easy to just turn around and everything be put back in to place where it needs to be. things take time and effort and if you can't see that, then i don't know what to say. i'm sorry for the past, but i can't change that, all i can change is what is to come in my future and i thought you could understand that out of everyone.

it seems like i try and try and for what . . .

just when you think you can look up, it all tumbles right before you. where are those words of wisdom when you need them. if you could just tell me what to do to make it all better . . .

britt britt

. . . iTs JuSt So HaRd . . .

2008-06-07T04:58:02Z

i cant believe it's still this hard for me. exactly one month from today is one of the hardest days i have ever had to experience. i really am just waiting for it to get easier. i really miss him more than any one person will ever know. that was my best friend, my brother, my everything. i just want the day to come and go so i can forget about it. its just a day where you wish it would never come but it does and there is nothing you can do about it. i dont know thats all i can really say right now

. . . <3 . . .

2008-03-27T02:28:02Z

irritation . . . to the max

2008-03-26T00:28:15Z

Okay, I just need to vent.

So there is this person in the training class I am going through at work that just irritates me to the max! Have you ever been trying to learn something new and there's this one person that never shuts up and ask a million and one fucking questions that DO NOT pertain to what you are going over at the time?!?! Well, I have and I'm dealing with it now. I really just want to push this person down a flight a steps, that irritate me that bad!

I just had to get that out:)

hmmm . . .

2008-03-26T00:09:29Z

I really don't know what to say . . .

People do some of the most off the wall things at the most off the wall times. And then there is no explanation as to why . . . I just don't get it. Some enlightenment would be nice right bout now.

I'm just so confused??

my weekend

2008-03-25T03:17:29Z

I definitely had a long weekend, but a good one.

Friday night Tommy took me to go see "Horton Hears a Hoo." It was such a cute & funny movie, EvErYoNe should go see it. "In my world everyone would eat rainbows and poop butterflies," hehe:) That is like my favorite line of the whole movie. Tommy and also had a good night on Friday but for other reasons . . . "our little secret":)

Saturday I worked a little at the shop and then Tommy and I hung out at home because we were both very exhuasted. I like just coming home and relaxing sometimes.

Sunday of course was Easter. Unfortuately Tommy had to work so he didnt get to join in on the festivities at Andi's house. Andi cooked a wonderful dinner for all of us. After dinner i came home and fell asleep . . . it was very nice to catch up on the sleep I have been losing . . . my job is very exhausting:( Then Tommy got home and surprised me with my Easter gift . . . I LoVeD it:)

Today I worked all day on Mortgage Clauses . . . NO FUN! Then Tommy picked me up from work and we headed up to Woodbridge to go celebrate Katie's Birthday. She is fifteen . . . I feel so oLd:( We ate at Red Lobster . . . . mmmhhhhh BiScUiTs:) Then Tommy and I went shopping at the mall, he bought me some really cute clothes from Papaya. then we got Rita's . . . . . because there is definitely one in Potomac Mills NOW:) I LoVe Gelati's:) No more going to New Jersey for them:)

Well, that is pretty much the run down of my weekend. I am off to bed now:)

HaPpY eAsTeR

2008-03-23T18:12:26Z

MyHotComments

My FrOwN iS DeFiNiTeLy UpSiDe DoWn

2008-03-21T00:53:40Z

I am so HaPpY right now. I bought a new laptop tonight, which was very exciting because I haven't had one since right after I graduated and that one got stolen, so it's nice to have another one. I get to go pick it up after work tomorrow . . . yEaH:)

*I really don't understand some people. They really are just dumb, hAhA:)*

This weekend is going to be so much fun . . . I just can't wait:)

one day

2008-03-15T04:30:20Z

Here recently I have i have been the happiest I have been in a very long time . . . but I am still overcome with sadness from time to time. I think about you EvErYdAy. There isn't a moment when I'm on 95 and just wish you were riding with me. Life is just so cRaZy in the choices it makes. I would really give anything to just tell you how much I miss you and wish you were still here with me. Our fRiEnDsHip meant so much to me and although nO oNe can take that from me . . . I just wish I could tell you about my day at work, or how Tommy & I are doing so GrEaT, or sit and talk about all the insane things we have done together. It really truly saddens me to think you won't be in my wedding or there when I have a baby, it really isn't fair and I just don't understand it. I wish things had NeVeR turned out the way they did, but they did and I can't change that, just accept it and move on from it. One day though I will get to tell you about all those things, I just don't know when and that is the saddest part of it all. I just want you to know I will aLwAyS love you with every inch of my HeArT and that will NeVeR change no matter what.

britt britt

bytchin_britt @ 2008-03-10T17:50:00

2008-03-10T22:23:33Z

There have been so many things I have been thinking about, that I just want to get them out.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you, think what could have happened, what should have happened, but things turned out a little different than what I ever expected to. I thought you were the one, I mean you probably would have been the one, if people hadn't influenced. I was talking to a dear friend of mine today about the whole situation.

I have grown so much since that sad day. I felt hatred and anger, but towards the wrong person. Who wants to hate the one they love for not making the "right" decision, no one does. So I blamed the easiest person possible, the "enemy". He took everything from me, my best & my love. But I have grown a bit since then, & now I can tell you that there was no "enemy". I can't blame that person because at the end of the day it wasn't that person that made the "wrong" decision. I tried & tried and there is no one that can say I didn't. But in the end I guess you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Just know, that I do think about you everyday and what could have been. But if it was meant to be then it will be. I will always love you because you were such a big part of my life, but I am extremely happy with where I am in my life and wouldn't trade the world for it. I am more in LoVe than I think I could ever be. You will aLwAyS be a part of me.

It's really funny how things in life change. The people you meet and think will always be there, aren't there. I guess thats just how the cookie crumbles as they say. People make the decisions that they make and the people around them just have to deal. Some decisions made are not the best ones and some situations could have been handled differently, but things happened the way they did and that can't be changed, just learned from. And I know I have learned more than I ever thought I would. No matter what happened, you are still thought about because you were such a big part of my life. And I will always wish you the best in any and everything you do. But the past can't be erased. Things are said when you are just frustrated and want to vent, that ordinarally would not have been said or meant for that person to hear, but there's nothing you can do about it, although they may hurt, what's done is done and it can't be taken back. But not everything is one sided in hurtful situations. I would not intentionally want to hurt someone, but if hurt happened then it happened and there's not much that can be done about it. You are still mentioned in my stories and that will never change. There is no hatred toward you, just a little disappointment, but I'm sure there are people out there that are disappointed in me. I never thought that someone would cross that thin line, but it happened and nothing can be done about it now. What's done is done and now we just look back and hopefully learn from.

bytchin_britt @ 2008-03-01T01:14:00

2008-03-01T06:34:16Z

It's all just so CrAzY! I don't even know what to say about it all right now.

So this morning Tommy gets a call from one of his brothers, telling him that his brother Olvin had been . . . . killed. My heart just broke for Tommy. I don't even know that I would be able to grasp the concept if it had been me and one of my siblings. After talking to some people we come to find out that Olvin died on Sunday Feb 24, 2008. He was found collapsed on the side of a highway in Florida, dead. He was shot in the head and killed instantly and over one of the stupidest things possible . . . drugs.

I don't know how to stress to so many people that life is worth living for and to not make poor desicions with your life. You only have one and although you should live it to it's fullest please make sure you are living wisely.

Olvin went out of this world leaving behind a mother, a father, 2 brothers, 4 children, a nephew, and god only knows who else. If you are not going to make good desicions for your own self and life, please at least make them for the ones who love you more than life it self . . . . your FAMILY.

In the last 8 months i have lost my best friend and someone that might as well been family to me. It's not fair and it sucks. What sucks even more is that i don't even know what to do for Tommy. I know when my best friend died this summer, I did have two friends there to help me through it, but no matter what anyone said it didn't make it better. i just wish I had the words and the answers to make it better for Tommy, but I don't and I know I never will. This is such an empty feeling not being able to make it better, to make him better. I just wish death wasn't so hard.

Well, I'm off to bed, I just had to get it all out and thanks for anyone who took the time to read:)

britt britt

bytchin_britt @ 2008-02-27T02:34:00

2008-02-27T07:43:55Z

Wow! I must be bored because I probably just read EVERY entry I have ever put in here and all the comments that went along with them.

It's crazy to see how in only a couple of years a person's life can change so much. It was crazy to see all the hurt, pain, emptiness, happiness, laughter, sadness and everything else that led up to where I am now in life. Through everything, I wouldn't change anything, but I wish some of the outcomes had ended differently. But you take the good with the bad and deal with it because that's life.

I truly am happy where I am at in my life. I love my Boyfriend, my Friends, and my Family. I love the memories of those who are gone and will cherish them forever.

bytchin_britt @ 2008-02-27T01:54:00

2008-02-27T07:24:59Z

To let go isn’t to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t winning and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It’s not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome and to move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow. It is about all you have, all that you had and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and to set yourself free.

I read this and immediately fell in love with the words. There are so many things that have happened in my life that this applies to. Everything in it is the truth . . . it speaks for itself. After reading this, take what you may out of it, I took a lot out of it.

britt britt

Happy Valentines Day

2008-02-15T01:05:29Z

MyHotComments

What a Nite

2008-02-10T18:31:57Z

Last night was the greatest:)

Last night was Jana's birthday celebration and it was so much fun. The night started with Jana & I just needing to get away from everyone, so we decided to go down to The Loft early for a drink and some food. That place is great:) I love it because it's a NiCe bar and it's more on the grown-up side. But anyways we sat down and got some food and drinks (some on the house because the owner is terrific), and Jana & I ran into some of her old friends that she hasn't seen in a minute. It was good she definitely needed it. We had a great time. Everyone else showed up around 10:30 and the band started playing. I have to say Evan Bliss & the Welchers are fucking awesome:) We all had a great time and we need to go out more often like that. We danced around, drank and had an overall wonderful time. There will be a million pictures on Myspace of our night, so you all can enjoy it, just as much as we did:)

britt britt

Life

2008-02-08T22:44:18Z

It's all so amusing.
You would think it would be pretty easy to comprehend,
but I guess the common sense is lacking.
There's some things that just can't be fixed,
and that is most definatly one of them:)

Life is just so entertaining,
and I LOVE IT:)

britt britt

. . . no surprise there . . .

2008-02-08T15:07:55Z

wow
you got love it when you try to do something nice by congratulating someone
about something in there life and in return they just want to be a BITCH
i guess some people will NEVER chenge
no surprise there

britt britt

. . . friends . . .

2008-02-06T04:12:02Z

friends
as most know friends come and go
it's the ones that really matter that will be there forever
those are BEST FRIENDS

it truely doesn't matter if it's been
minutes
days
or years
a BEST FRIEND can pick up from any one of those moments in time

i dont understand what the big deal is
with talking to someone everyday
and then not talking to them for alomost a year
if you can pick up right where you left like there had never been that time
then what is the problem

there shouldnt be a problem
so someone is more "buddy buddy" than usual
its really not a big deal
they are my friend no matter what

anyways thats that
and thats how im going to leave it

britt britt

hAhAhA

2008-02-03T04:57:23Z

hAhAhA
all I can really do is laugh about it all
it's funny, i get on livejournal because my sister
had a question about it, so im looking around it and seeing
who had been posting and much to my surprise theres more shit talking
its pretty bad when you go from talking the shit on myspace,
to talking about the same played out shit on livejournal
all i can really do is laugh about it all
hAhAhA

im going to say the same shit i said on myspace
if you have a problem with me, don't be a bitch &
talk about it on some internet site, fucking be a
woman and say it to me.
have a nice day:)

. . . It DoEs GeT bEtTeR . . .

2006-04-03T20:52:23Z

People always say Things get worse before they get better!

Well, they are so right . . . things definately got real shitty there for a while, but now I couldn't be any happier.

I'm buying my own car
I have an absolutely wonderful boyfriend
I'm moving out of the ghetto, hehe
I'm getting another raise

Things are gReAt!

~DB

. . . hEs ScArEd . . .

2005-12-27T14:42:21Z

Well . . . I told him i was DONE!

I had a long talk with the greatest friend this world could ask for and she gave me a lot of needed and good advice, but most of all she understands everything I am going through and was just there to mostly listen.

After talking with her, I told him that I was done and I just couldn't do this anymore. That it is just hurting both of us and stressing out both of us and right now niether of us need added stress. I don't think I have ever seen someone so sorry for everything that they had done to me. The look in his eyes truely showed just how sorry he was. After the long talk we had that night he told me that he didn't want to see me go, that he couldn't see me go.

I really thought that with everything that was going on with the two of us, that I would pretty much have a miserable Christmas, but I would have to say it has been one of the best Christmas' I have had in a very long time. We have had a great time together this weekend!

~The rundown of the weekend~

Saturday ~ I went shopping for my friends for Christmas. Then i went up to springfield to help Crystal and Livia get ready for the get together we were having that night. All the guys fianlly showed up and we all ate and opened presents. I had a great time:)

Sunday ~ Christmas was a blast! I spent a better part of the day with my family and then spent the rest of it with Tommy and his family. I got pretty much everythinbg I had asked for plus some!

Monday ~ Me and Tommy spent the day shopping and then went out to eat! It was the best day that both of us have had in a long time!!!!

~DB

. . . WhErEs ThE hApPiNeSs . . .

2005-12-22T21:26:15Z

It really is a never ending circle of hurt!! I ask myself everyday why I stay around and I truely do not know why I do. All I'm doing is letting myself get hurt and hurting myself, yet a stay to endure it.

Why is it that love makes you do some of the stupidest things?!?!

Everyone around me is telling me to leave and I really am thinking about just giving up and doing that. After everything the two of us have talked about in the last two weeks and it's all still happening, it just shows that it is going to stay this way and I will never get what I want out of this whole ordeal. And especially after everything that came out yesterday and his response to it today, I just have so much anger and hurt inside of me that it's just not healthy.

I'm DONE!!!

. . . sTuPiD sHiT . . .

2005-12-11T22:42:50Z

I really get tired of hearing people tell me to calm down about shit when it comes to him!
They all say they understand . . . I'll be damned if they understand shit!
I'm entitled to get pissed and feel whatever the fuck I want to feel.

Who has been there for the last 8 months??
Who was the one helping him out??
Who is the one that gave their all??
Who is the one there every fucking night??

That would be me and no one else!

I don't deserve any of this! He wants to know why I get mad . . . now let's think, if he was in the position I am in he would get mad to. I care way to fucking much and it's fucking ridiculous!